Dear Huge Beasts of Beauty
As of this morning, I am officially the winner of the MakeaStar.com artist competition. I am duly inducted into their 'Hall of Fame' and my track 'The June Jar' will now go on to a number of A&R (or is that Umm & Errr?) people who will duly scrutinise then dismiss my recorded output as another tired re-hash of Bob The Builder.
After hearing of my good fortune, I took a light breakfast followed by snogging every person within five feet of my little star spangled body. As a result I have to marry a Mrs Margaret Footfuss of 38 Avondale Road (a very nice ninety year old ex-postmistress who originally hails from Norwich and who used her tongue). After the mouthwash, I sat down and composed this letter of thanks to you, my huge beasts.
I would also like to draw to your attention, the efforts of a Mr Robert Ramsay, who worked for minutes at a time on this endeavour. Through his hard work and your loyal support, I have become the half arsed also-ran that you see today. All this, my beasts, I dedicate...to you.
As I'm handing out the thangywes...A big wave goes out to Bex & Jo who helped elevate the name of Walsh to that of awe and true myth. Ladies, I prostate :-) myself at your feet in thanks.
I attach the mail that the MakeaStar team sent by carrier parrot to my bedchamber this morning. Said parrot recited several messages before it got to my one. For the gossip mongers amongst you, I can now confirm that David Stooge of Twickenham (Middx) has been cleared of the horse tipping charges, Jane Orby will indeed marry her childhood sweetheart Kevin Baa, and Mark Oo-Yah Glyphs has received his final reminder for payment for the 'Wank Yourself Fit in a Week' exercise video which he purchase last month while on business in Solihull.
All that remains to be said is that when I board the train to the Cambridge Lesbian Factory with my video camera in one hand and a giant size box of tissues in the other, I will think of you all with great fondness for without your patronage, I am merely a sad old tosser.
Simon 'Woosh' Godfrey (Walsh)
PS. For all those who didn't vote for me, Thank you for strategically making it look like the result wasn't a walkover.
Dear Simon
Congratulations! You are MakeaStar.com's new Champion. Your song 'The June Jar' beat the competition in the last week's Stadium showdown and is now headed into MakeaStar.com "Hall of Fame"!
Now is the time to really brag about your music to friends, Fans, and the Industry. We thank you for submitting such a great song and wish you the best of luck. As you achieve future successes, please drop us a note and tell us about them, so that we can brag about you too! Thank you and good luck.